I turned 50 this year, so I figured this would be a good time to write something profound. You know, make some sage observations, evaluate my accomplishments thus far and measure myself against other icons reaching the half-century mark.

I’m in pretty good company, I guess. In 1958, the year I was born, NASA was formed, the Vanguard satellite was launched, Intel developed the microchip and both the Edsel and the peace sign made their debuts. Kids were introduced to Legos, the Hula Hoop and the Crayola crayon 64 pack. Celebrities born that year include Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sharon Stone and Jamie Lee Curtis.

So how are we all doing fifty years later?

NASA is still around, albeit in a much dimmer spotlight than during its heyday of the 1960s, with the space shuttle program scheduled to be phased out by 2010.

The Vanguard satellite is still traveling out in space, but no longer alone. It’s estimated that between 600 and 800 manmade satellites are in the sky overhead at any given time.

Obviously, Intel knew what they were doing when they developed the microchip all those years ago. It helped create the personal computer and all the household electronic devices which followed. We use them to cook our food, heat and cool our homes and to communicate with each other. In fact, until television began giving us Celebrity Poker, they were the most important chips in the world!

The Edsel, unfortunately, only lasted two years, due in part to its appearance. Some critics felt its vertical front grill resembled a vagina, something the public wanted kept under wraps in 1958. Now that I think of it, a vagina car in 2008 would probably be a big hit.

Still riding high in popularity is the loveable peace sign, having been adopted by a new generation of Americans as a symbol of protest against a new war. I can still remember my mother trying to explain the inherent evil behind the peace sign when I was a kid. It symbolized a broken cross, she said, and was therefore a blasphemy against Christ. (I now know that the cross was first used as a pagan symbol centuries before the time of Jesus Christ. So much for blasphemy.)

Legos are still around, and just as popular as ever. Hula Hoops can be found at most any large retailer, but I never see kids playing with them anymore. I did see a woman on the new “Gong Show” recently, who got about 25 of the colorful hoops swooshing around her body long enough to receive a score. I think she won.

However, I would now like to devote a whole paragraph to the magnificence of the Crayola Crayon 64-pack. Yeah, that’s the one with the built-in sharpener in back. If you didn’t have one as a kid, you wanted one. We all did. Not only were there more colors than you ever imagined possible (remember Burnt Sienna and Periwinkle?), but you could actually sharpen the crayons when they got dull. Take the blunt end of the crayon, insert it right into the box, give it a few turns and voila! You had a pointy new Crayola to use on the pages of your Cinderella coloring book. In 1972 Crayola added 8 new colors to make a box of 72, and now you can even get a pack of 120, but the original 64 holds a special place in my heart.

How do I hold up against the celebrities from the class of ‘58?

Michael Jackson was a very cute and talented kid who grew up to be a bit of a freak. Now, I’ve probably been called a freak by some over the years, but at least I still have my own nose.

Prince has managed to maintain both his looks and artistic integrity since he first burst on the music scene in 1979. A talented entertainer and a shrewd businessman, he continues to produce music and present concerts which receive critical acclaim. I really admire his ability to stay out of the tabloids and gossip columns for so many years. True, he did change his name to a symbol for awhile, but otherwise, he’s sound as a pound.

Madonna has made her share of headlines over the years, pushing the buttons of Conservative America and creating herself over and over again to remain a successful force in popular music. She is definitely no ingénue, but still a very attractive, hard-bodied woman who can bring an audience to its feet at will. Along with Sharon Stone, Jamie Lee Curtis, Michelle Pfeiffer and Ellen DeGeneres, she lends credence to the idea that “50 is the new 40”. When I was a child, 50 year old women did not look like this. They had grey hair and wore sensible clothes and shoes, did needlepoint and played bridge. Thank God those days are gone. Now, no disrespect to Jamie Lee, but I am not going to pose topless on a magazine cover to celebrate my age. I do, however, appreciate her chutzpah. This brings me to the topic of 50 year old breasts.

Age is the most cruel enemy of the bosom. When I was a teen, the braless look was quite fashionable. Women nationwide donned halter tops, tube tops, t shirts and even sweaters without the restrictions (or support) of a brassiere. It was a free-wheeling time, to be sure, but there were some guidelines. I remember reading in my Glamour magazine how to “place a pencil under your breast and let go”. If it fell out, you were braless material. If it held, you were too buxom (or too saggy) to give up your Maidenform. In those days, I passed the pencil test with flying colors. Today my breasts could probably hold up that Crayola 64 pack.

Which doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with my body altogether. All in all, I’ve held up rather well, I guess. I can still shop in the Junior department, even though AOL says I shouldn’t. I recently read a list of things “No woman over 40 should ever wear”, on my computer homepage. Most of it was stuff I agreed with--string bikinis, pants with hip hop slogans written across the butt, etc. But then they listed LEGGINGS! Now, excuse me for being old and cranky, but you can have my leggings when you pry them from my cold, dead thighs! They’re way too comfortable! Of course I’m not going to wear them with a crop top, but under a tunic or oversized sweatshirt, what’s the harm?

The problem is, I’ve always dressed and acted the way I wanted. I figure Life is too short to spend it in somebody else’s idea of age-appropriate fashion. You know, there is a group called the Red Hat Society for women 50 or older, who dress in red hats and purple dresses when they meet. The outfits are based on the poem, Warning, by Jenny Joseph, in which she says “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn’t go and doesn’t suit me…” The idea behind the poem (and the Red Hats) is that for the first 50 years of our lives we do and say and act the way we are expected to by society. After age 50 we should be able to dress and eat and spend money as we wish. This subject came up a few months back when I was discussing my age with some friends over lunch, and asked, jokingly, if I should join the Red Hat Society. The popular consensus at the table was “You’ve been dressing and acting your own way all your life! You don‘t need a red hat to prove anything!” I guess that’s true, at least in part, and it made me feel good. I never wanted to look back on any aspect of my life and say “If only I had…” I’m very proud to be me.

Another deviation from societal norms has been my relationships with men. I’ve always liked younger men, and my first marriage was to a guy who was three years younger. The marriage didn’t last very long, but I have my beautiful daughter as a result, so it was definitely worth it. Then I married again to a guy almost ten years younger, and no one thought that one would last, either. (Even I had my serious doubts.) But in a few months we’ll be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary, so I think this one is working out pretty well. As a result of these two marriages and a few other young men who’ve caught my eye over the years, I have come to be known as a cradle robber of sorts. Like all the other unsavory aspects of my life, I’ve never denied this, choosing to be painfully honest on more than a few occasions. But until recently, I didn’t realize I had started a trend. Or that the trend had a name.

Today’s cradle robber is known as a “cougar“, a term chosen, I suppose, for its predatory connotations. (I guess it’s better than calling all of us Mrs. Robinson. Now there was a magnificent cougar!) Suddenly I’m seeing menopausal women swooping up men 10, 15, 20 or more years younger and not being shy about it in the least! I hear the term on talk shows, in television and movie scripts, and even in some newscasts. While I’m not actually taking credit for this phenomenon, I do feel a sense of pride for taking my own road when it was definitely the one less-traveled and making it work.

So here I am after all these years, still much the same person I was as a teenager (except for the pencil test, of course). I have a good marriage, a beautiful daughter, two fabulous dogs and more free time than ever before. I could use that time to learn needlepoint or how to play bridge, I suppose. But that’s not me. What I have done in the last year is to star in one play and direct another at my community theatre. I’ve also designed and built sets for those two shows and four more. I’ve had a dozen of my short stories and poems published, online and in anthologies. I’ve reconnected with several people who had been missing from my life for years and I’ve made friends with just as many new people. I do stagehand work, which involves setting up and tearing down stages, truss, lighting and audio equipment, and I have no problem keeping up with co-workers in their 20s for eight hours a day. I have no doubt that the rest of my life will be productive and will be lived and celebrated in my own way. I will be loved and I will love in return. For these and many more reasons, I feel blessed.

And when my Chevy Malibu bit the dust a couple of months ago, I bought myself a Cougar.

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